Someone said to me when I was pregnant with Ava that the whole first year was a complete blur. At the time I could not believe that. The ENTIRE year? That seemed way too long. I had prepared for the first 3 months, but not a year. Now that we are rounding that corner on Ava’s first year of life, I get it. The whole first year is a blur.
That being the case, I had to slim down the things that occupy my time and my brain. I needed to focus on what is actually important – Ava, Tim, family, friends, business. Not what occupied much of my headspace before – negative self talk. I spent a good amount of time reviewing and correcting myself in past experiences, saying things like, “wow, you could have done that better,” and “good going crap bag, why did you say it like that?” Needless to say, I spent too much time talking bad about myself to myself.
Once I eliminated that, I could start to function properly again and save the precious time and brain power. It really meant so much more than just saving time. It gave me the freedom to start liking myself. To not beat myself up all the time was quite liberating. It did not happen overnight. I had to be intentional about it and replace the nasty ol’ habit with something else. Every time I wanted to be mean to myself, I stopped and instead said, “I am doing the best I can with what I have.”
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” – Dolly Parton. I often reflect on this quote and the person who said it. This little nugget gave me permission to do what I want, feel what I feel and to just be.
It struck me. Not only could I stop being mean to myself, I could actually figure out what I was all about and do it intentionally. I could lean into being my nerdy, say-to-much self. I was allowed to let go of the concern of good enough and smart enough and filtered enough. Now I think, what do I want to say and how do I want to impact this world?
I have really examined this and my big WHY this year. This question has plagued me in the past and quite frankly overwhelmed me. Now I can look at it more directly and see my potential. I invite you to do the same. Let go of as much negative self talk as possible (including self-deprecating humor as funny as it is) and just allow you to do you.