The last couple of weeks I did not write because I honestly was not inspired. I do not walk around all day high on life, although I aspire to. I was just wiped out and overwhelmed. My favorite “escape” from responsibility is being overwhelmed. That is my go-to emotion for being negative. I think I pick it because it allows me the freedom to have a little pity party for myself and revel in the massive number of things I have going on. Then “relax” for a couple of days before I wind back up into my productive, positive space.
That is a pattern I have noticed in myself for a while now, but somehow I have not been able to break it. I know how to move through it now, thankfully. Coming out of this phase is usually when I pick up a new book or get a really good idea or make an important decision. This time, I decided to go with my mom and sister to see Esther Hicks speak in Denver. She wrote one of the first books I read about the Law of Attraction, and it changed my life.
It helped me understand that everything I am thinking about, listening to and spending time on is how I create my future. It helped me to realize that I am a creator of my own experience. Life is not happening at you, it is happening for you. This realization was a big game changer for me. I started getting clear on what I want and taking action toward it. I started really living my life with intention for the first time.
It was pretty incredible to see the transformation. I have been journaling since I was 13 years old, so I have an interesting vantage point of reviewing my old life experiences. So many things that I wrote about or said I wanted, I could look back and see all that I had achieved. It is a fun exercise, particularly when I need a reminder that I actually have accomplished a few things here and there.
Here is an entry from my journal in December 2008 when I first heard this material:
“So I just finished listening to a recording set by Esther and Jerry Hicks with Abraham. It was rather fascinating and has inspired me to be more clear and determined with my objectives and desires in life. This has not come easy to me in the past because I find myself to be indecisive. But all that can and will change because what has been is not what has to be in the future. I do know I want to surround myself with people who I have positive and harmonious interactions with. I am excited at the thought of really enjoying myself and my friends and family again.
Upon listening, its actually very comforting and empowering to know I am completely in control, or allowed to control, my whole physical experience. And focusing on “reality” will only provide more of my own “reality” when I would rather have more of things that I don’t have now. It seems complicated, but really it simplifies everything, No more over analyzing anything!”
Some note: I have 100% overanalyzed things since then.
Coming full circle to Saturday’s experience listening to Esther; it was also what I needed to hear right now. While she is a proponent of defining and getting what you want in this life, she also sees how everyone is getting so wrapped up in accomplishment. Me included. I have been very accomplishment focused/checklisty for years now. Esther was saying that it is time to pump the breaks. Yes, you should take action on your dreams in the perfect unfolding in time. Allow for the Law of Attraction to do some work in your life and spend some time day dreaming. There is accomplishment in letting your mind wonder and delight in the excitement of having splendid thoughts and daydreams. Once the idea is ready to come to fruition, it will be very apparent to you.
So, here I go, making more space for meditations, writing and reading more and just being instead of doing. Wish me luck!